How to Avoid the Boring Wedding
She's smiling and he's not looking very happy. Then again she may not really be smiling. Well the eyes are kind of vacant in both of them. But the likenesses are good...
Ever go to a wedding and watch the ceremony unfold and feel the same kind of weird vacancy feeling from the couple? It's so weird. Chalk it up to nerves....
Ever secretly think, "This is beautiful but I'm not FEELING it." And then you start questioning yourself or reprimanding yourself...."Stop it, this is a beautiful occasion they found each other, they're happy and they're getting married,."
We've polled hundreds of people, including brides and grooms and the overwhelming majority say the same thing, when not having to be put on the spot. "Weddings for the most part are boring. " Not all, but according to our results the majority.
At many weddings that we attend we see the stress, nerves, the tension, the forced smiles, the frozen expressions, the awkward waiting for it to be over so much more than the enjoyment of what's taking place.
How many time have you seen brides and grooms being led through the ritual not really present in the moment?
It's amazing when you think about it. For many brides they've imagined this day for a long time, and then once it's upon her, she's not fully able to enjoy it or often not empowered to enjoy it the way she imagined. It's a blur.
There's the case right there for making sure that when planning a wedding EVERYTHING is considred, taken care of so well, that there's NOTHING to think about or worry about. NO THING. So they don't have to think, they can just be.
As an objective observer, for many years at least, I would just watch weddings before the main entertainment started, making sure if we had music or were amplifying the officient all was well. I often would view these just making sure the technical aspects were all fine, but realizing I wanted to root for them to have a great wedding, hope for "a magical moment" where I connect and get pulled into their world.
I love weddings. And I had never written about it before, but I too was often left feeling underwhelmed at the actual ceremony. I felt uncomfortable by this myself.
I know the couple by the time their wedding happens. I knew we as a company will make their reception amazing, but why did they have to wait for amazing?
At this wedding pictured above, the wedding guests can't even see the bride and groom. How engaged do you imagine they were? The guy to the left is looking at his cell phone.
Why do these have to be set so un-guest friendly or overly rigid or uncomfortably formal? The couple could be one of the most engaging, entertaining, charismatic people individually and as a duo and here is this ceremony, and you'd never know it from the ceremony. It didn't allow them to be themselves.
The "lively awesome" part of them was not seen. Why is that I wondered? I would continually ask myself that question. Where did their personalities go?
Why isn't this more compelling to us?
I mean this wedding is one of the greatest reasons FOR a ceremony, event or ritual EVER, so
why is it that at the majority of these weddings people are left feeling u lackluster by the ceremony?
MORE IMPORTANTLY - WHAT COULD BE DONE to make it BETTER? Why wait for the reception to begin the celebration? Why can't the celebration start during the ceremony?
Too often it feels like the actual ceremony of marriage is not set up to be enjoyed and celebrated....They can feel like they're....
Too heavy handed,
Too incomprehensibly poetic
Too catered to others and not the couple
Too much read from a book
Too much sermon.
Now I'm fine with religion and having religion be in the wedding. I understanding that two people are performing a rite in the eyes of God. But sometimes the sermon, lecture or "warnings" has more to do with the agenda of the person giving it rather then for the couples' or attendees' benefit.
Shouldn't there be something more truly inspiring and joyful enmeshed in the ceremony as well? What are all the guests doing there? Is it just out of obligation? Are they to be witnesses only? Or shall we engage with them and move them with the couples' lives, hopes and dreams?
I learned early on in life any time there's more than 4 people in the room and it's not your family, it's "entertaining". When people are over we even call it "entertaining people". Any time you have groups of seats all pointed in the same direction that's a show.
I believe the recognition of the fact that this is a show, by necessity calls for an interesting if not compelling performance. Whether it's 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 1/2 hour or 1 hour it's a show. We're reaching out to and embracing/entertaining of the guests as part of the marriage ceremony.
I believe this is what's potentially missing from many of the weddings that have underwhelmed: The engagement.
The bride and groom are the stars of the show and yet in many weddings they are relegated to minor bit players if that. Sometimes its by choice due to personalities and sensibilities.
And that's understandable.
Sometimes its just because they're following protocol, and the structure of many weddings is to get them married, not to enlighten, entertain or make us feel happy to be there.
If I'm going to a wedding of someone I know and care about I want to see them. I'm rooting for them. I want to share in their joy. I'm not there for the officient. If the officient is awesome then I got a great bonus surprise.... And yet many times I can't even see the bride or groom's faces. Mostly their backs. I don't know how they're feeling at all. (See above photo)
This is where I began imagining a different, more engaging style of wedding. One that has as its mission to be fully engaging, enlightening, loving, and entertaining. One that brought the guests into couples' world. One that allowed us to get INVESTED in their ceremony emotionally and mentally. One that would naturally and organically move us as we go through this passage together.
This was the inspiration for a new style of weddings that changes the game for brides and grooms, same sex partners and their families and friends.
It puts the bride and groom back in the spotlight and re-energizes the guests. It gives the power back to the couple. And the really cool thing about it is it can still keep all the elements of traditional weddings in tact. It just re-focuses it on the element of celebration.
After all, love, commitment, appreciation of a lifelong partnership for the better of both, and getting married is what we're celebrating, it shouldn't have to be what we celebrate AFTER the fact.
The best part is It resets the bar for the excitement that's about to follow in the cocktail hour and reception. When the guests are jazzed up by the wedding it raises the energy for everyone. The room pulsates with electricity. It’s very hard to imagine going back to the old way. It's that potent and awe inspiring.
We love creating the GREATEST DAY of YOUR LIFE Style Weddings for our clients and this was one of those creations that emerged. If we can get them the greatest ceremony ever, then we know the party is going to be off the charts.
Please call or email for more information on how to make this happen for yourself of someone you know. Let's do away with the boring wedding ceremony forever.
Remember you are Extraordinary,
Michael Sage Schindler